The day that my life changed :)

alhamdulillah..i am now a proud mommy to a beautiful cute baby boy who is now 17 days old :) i am so so happy to be a mommy and words just cannot decribe this feeling. so, this post will be about the day Adam Zuhair came into me and my husband lives. this is gonna be a long post guys!

6th June 2011

went for my routine CTG check up to see if my contractions have started. result was baby ok but still no contraction. BP also ok. but my gynea insist that i must "serah diri" tomorrow which is the 7th of June 2011 instead of the agreed induce date which is on the 9th. me and husband was quite shocked~ yela..both of us x ready yet and our minds were focused on the 9th. sooo..its quite big news. so, we went to my mom's house to tell everybody the news and went home early to get ready for the big day. the doctor asked me to come early morning so we decided to set of to the hospital after solat subuh. that night, mintak maaf dekat my husband for everything and both of us buat solat hajat and taubat..yela, you never know what would happen right? i was super duper nervous but i've set my mind that whatever happens, i will leave it to Allah because only HE can look after me now.

7th June 2011

early morning after subuh prayers, me and husband started our journey to the hospital. by around 8 o clock i was already at the hospital and register for my room etc etc. so i was asked to go straight to the labour room @ level 2. i was quite nervous and my husband held my hand all the way. i was hooked on the CTG machine again and the nurse checked whether baby dah engage belum, but the nurse said the baby baru nak turun n we will wait for the doctor. so..there i was in the labour room psyching myself up for the labour that im going to face and mulut ni never stop baca doa nabi yunus and all other surah that i know. because to to tell you the truth, i was nervous but ready! hehehe.

around 9 o clock my gynea came and check my CTG results and tekan tekan my perut. she then said the baby's head is too big and it would not engage because my pelvic bone is small. so my gynea said the best option is to go for elective c-sect. me and my husband was quite shocked~ my gynea siap suruh my husband stand in front of me and she showed him the baby's head..and my husband said "yup..the baby's head xleh engaged sayang.."

i asked my gynea whether there is any other option but the doct said thats the best option we have and if there is another option, i would surely tell u. so..i numbly said ok and the doctor said to be ready by 2 o clock and that would give ample time to tell the family. after the doctor left me and my husband were quiet for several minutes and then suddenly my mom came in the labour room. i was so relieve to see my mom and i was close to tears explaining my situation and that i have to go through elective c-sect. my mom did ask a couple of questions and what options do i have bla bla bla...i xplained to her and she said "its ok..u can get through this". during this time, my lovely siblings were already on the way to the hospital to see me before i was pushed to the OT. the nurse then put an IV on me and shave me n asked me to change into a hospital gown... it was scary im telling you. ME? the girl who is afraid of needles is going to go through a major surgery?? it was madness!! but i try to be strong for my baby and husband.. my husband held my hand the entire time. the nurse then came in about 11 o clock and said the scheduled c-sect will be at 12.30 and not 2 o clock. soooOOoo..i have less time to prep my self!

about 12 o clock my mom came in again and she said "mama maafkan semuanya..be strong" i felt like crying at that time but i must be strong. i dont want to crumble and be afraid when im pushed into the OT. then @ 12.30.. im pushed out of the labour room and was send to the OT. my husband sent me all the way until the OT but he cannot come in because of hospital procedures. i was put into a room before i was wheeled into the OT..there, mmg segala surah and i even said my syahadah because anything could happen on the operating table and my mouth x berenti baca doa nabi yunus tu..i was then asked several question by one of the OT staff etc etc (standard procedures). but i must say..the staff @ DEMC was very veryyy friendly and they actually helped in putting me at ease facing this c-sect thingy.

i was then wheeled in the OT and i can feel my heart hammering against my rib cage. im scared and nervous. i was greeted my a friendly OT staff that explained all the procedures which is i will be put on epidural..local and they will put a tube into my va jay jay for me to pee because after the operation, i am not allowed to move for 24 hours. then the bius doc came and they started the procedure. i was asked to hug a pillow while the doctor insert the drug into my spine. again..this part was scary and i must say, its the most painful part of the operation.the doctor have to do it twice because the first time x jadi..the women who xplain the procedure to me earlier was there by my side the whole time soothing me and holding my hand. alhamdulillah..i went through it..hohoho didnt realize that i was that strong!! heheh proud of myself :) after the bius kicked in..i could nt feel a thing from my tummy down. the OT staff have to push my legs up and they did the tube business etc etc. quite embaressing because there was 3 male OT staff there to doing the tube thing..sooooo.. no more secrets there!!! but all of them were really really friendly la..they asked me whether im comfortable etc etc..so i felt at ease..

they put a tirai in front of me so i could nt see whats going on with my tummy and they put me on oxigen. after the bius kicked in, i felt like vomitting and the staff's were ready just in case..but alhamdulillah..i didnt vomit. my gynea then started the procedure.. after a few minutes the anesthetist asked my gynea to stop because my blood pressure suddenly dropped very low, maybe i as super nervous kot masetu. my gynae have to stop and calm me down, she said "take deep breaths wan, you are going to see your baby!" so i tried calming down for a bit. after im stabilize, the anesthetist gave a GO and my gynea continued. during that time..i heard azan zohor from masjid shah alam since the hospital is quite near from the masjid. i focussed on that while reciting all sorts of doa...

@ approximately 1.33pm my gynea pulled out my baby...before they pulled out my baby, all 3 male staff pushed my stomach macam really really hard and i was like "what are they doing??" they push hard for about 3 times and then..i heard a voice.. "ehek..ehek.." in my mind i was like.. "is that the baby?" then the doct slapped my baby's butt and hello world!! he cried and cried so loud.. and i cried .. and whispered "my baby's here..." thats the most wonderful moment that words just cannot describe..the doct hand me the baby asking me "can you see what baby is this?" i answered "a boy..hehehe" (sempat gelak padahal masetu my tummy terbuka kottttt). the staff the clean up the baby and send the baby to my husband for him to azan..

Ya Allah.. im so grateful for the blessing you gave me.. im a mommy and im strong to have gone through a major operation!..im proud of myself.. hohoho..

i was then wheeled into the recovery room where i shivered from the after effects of the epidural. but alhamdulillah, i didnt shivered for long..sekejap je kot, then i slept because i felt so exhausted.. i woke up and realize the staff have put a heat blanket on me to keep me warm and the anesthetist was administering morphine..MORPHINE!! for me to ease the pain.hoho..like seriously. the doctor said, when i feel pain, just push this red button and it will push morphine into the IV..so.. after quite some time..im not sure how long, i was wheeled out of the recovery room and i saw my husband outside..the sight of his face..heheh nampak relief sgt.maybe he was worried because he said he waited so long for me to come out! i was brought to my room by that time i still cannot move because of the drugs. and im so xcited to meet my baby!!

then he came..and i just felt like i coulnt let this precious angel go..i want to hug him forever. i would go through all this again..if i have to :)

next post...post c-sect and the PAINNNN~!! ughh...hehehe

ok, Adam wants his milk! mommy love u adam muax muaxxx!

Full Term

alhamdulillah...my baby, my cute lil blueberry is already full term. it can be anyday now~! apart from my induce date ----- which is on the 9th, about 6 days from now. still trying to get ready mentally and physically to go into labour..hope everything will go smoothly insyaAllah..

today is our WCJ family day and i feel so sad that me n husband have to miss it because of my condition. im not fit to make the trip to kuantan but i really realllyy so want to goooo~!! arghh! stress~ but..i know i have to stay calm and rest etc etc..

the last 2 days ive developed a skin rash called PUUPP or something like that. cant actually remember what its called. its like a skin rash that most pregnant women will experience on the last trimester. the last 2 days i could nt sleep and felt like crying because i was so so itchy. even my husband could nt sleep because i was moving here and there and could nt stop scratching.. so yeah, my last days of being pregnant my skin became super sensitive. i dont have sensitive skiin to begin with so..its quite an experience. my gynea refered me to a dermatologist and the doct gave me 2 types of pills, a soap and 2 creams that i have to apply twice a day~! imagine that!! it took me half n hour to apply both creams on the effected areas n mmg sgt suuffer.. ugh!

so..anyway..just pray for me guys..amin.:)

10 days

last friday, i went for my routine checkup with my gynea and at that time i've just reached my 36 week a.k.a officially 9 months. small talk yada yada yada..then my gynea ask me to lie down untuk scan the baby and see how the baby is doing. before scanning, my doct tekan2 n picit2 perut i. quite painfull sebab now my tummy tend to get really hard and mmg sakit if u poke. i think theres no more room for the baby to grow anymore..mmg dah xpand to the max hohoho.

anywayyyy..talking about my tummy expanding to the max, as you can see in my last post, i told you about my stretch marks and how itchy and sakit it is. i showed my doct my stretch marks and she said ada infection on it!!! the doct said because my tummy is expanding too fast and that cause the infection.. sbb tu my tummy itchy gile and it burnnsssss sampai i xdpt tdo mlm sbb pedih!! i really really suffered and always wonder "betul ke stretch marks camni punya azab? huuuUUuu sedey sgt". alhamdulillah, my doct pagi cream for my tummy so now im feeling a bit better and less itchy. and i tell you, it takes super HUMAN strength to avoid scratching my stretch marks..and sometimes i lose the battle of not scratching..aiyo..i dah tahap pasrah je sekarang.. sigh*.. ok~ no more thinking and complaining about stretch marks~!

ok, back to my story.

after the doct poke poke my tummy, she said to me.. "hm..i give it a week..hm..okla, 10 days max!" i was like "huh?? what...? (very blur)" then she ignores me and start scanning..ok-ok everything ok. baby ok, position ok. alhamdulillah..then she takes my blood pressure. its quite on the high side.. hm..and she commented that both my feet are puffy n bengkak. before seeing my doct, i did my very 1st CTG and it detected mile contraction..so basically im starting to have contractions~! (which i thought the baby was kicking my tummy by the way!)

so she said that due to my BP, im going to be induced on 9th june 2011.. but i can go into labour anytime before that date. i was shocked~! im like 3 weeks away from my EDD and suddenly the doct tells me that im going to have the baby at any time from that day and i have to "serah diri" on the 9th!! this is too fast. both me and my husband was struck dumb and speechless. my gynae also scheduled me for CTG every 3 days until the 9th to monitor my progress..

so..now im trying to prep myself mentally for this.. i just hope everything will be ok and semuanya selamat and i get to deliver my baby safe and healthy..amin..

since i know about being induced, i tried googling about it.macam2 experience org..ada kata lagi sakit, ada kata kurang sakit etc etc etc. but now, i've come to the point that whatever it is i have to face it. whatever the consequences..i have to face it. how painful it will be i have to face it..now, every labour is different and setiap org ada bahagian masing-masing la kan..? so now i can just pray to Allah untuk permudahkan segala urusan dan berikan yang terbaik for me and the baby..InsyaAllah..Amin..

so..thats my update~.. plez pray for me..im quite scared but trying to be strong..been psyching myself since friday and i hope i will go into labour without even have to be induced..amin

Dear Blueberry

Dear baby,

last week was a very sad and eventful week for mommy..

on thursday early morning, i've got a call from your aunty saying that mok cik is very tenat and better go to the hospital now. at that time it was about 5 in the morning. mommy n ayah went straight to the hospital to see her.. she started fading away bit by bit..and at 7.20, she was gone. maybe someday i will tell you and describe what happen at the hospital. it was one of the saddest moments in my life and i still miss her..

she was the person that took care of your atok and she was a great women. all of us loved her very much.. i didnt want to be too sad and traumatized as im afraid that i would effect you in my tummy. so i have to be calm and collected. plus, i was not fit to travel at that time as im 9months pregnant with you..so, i had to say my goodbyes here in shah alam. .

but im sure that shes in a better place right now. i pray for her everyday..she was like a grandma to me and i miss her everyday. i saw her a day before she was gone, she gave me the sweetest smile and telling me that she's just fine and feels alright. i will remember that smile forever..

im just jotting this down so that one day u can read this post and we will have a talk on who was mok cik and who is she to mommy and my family..

Al-Fatihah

stretch MARKS

yup...evil stretch markss..arghhhh~!

the 1st and 2nd trimester i was feeling oh so good because i barely had any stretch marks at all~! really..like totally seriously.so i was feeling preeeety good because my mom had zero, zilch stretch marks when she was pregnant so i was happy that im following her footsteps hohoho..

but then came the 3rd trimester.one night i ask my husband to take a picture of my tummy and thennnnn for all the world can see, stetch marks attacked me overnight. its like on the lower side of my tummy and of course i couldnt see it. i nearly fainted and was so traumatized that my husband had to clam me down.. (hahahaha total drama queen..but i was seriously so shocked!) throughout my pregnancy ive used 3 types of stretch mark cream. for the 1st trimester, i used stretch mark cream from modernmom, then for my 2nd trimester i used bio-oil and i applied it religiously every morning without fail..for my 3rd trimester i used palmers cocoa butter with olive oil extract..but i find that palmers makes me so itchy and pedih that i would skip to apply it sometimes. hm..thats when the pedihness started.it really is painful..i cant believe that stretch marks can be painful but for me it is. even my mom pelik..she said that stretch marks should be itchy and not painful..so i was kinda confuse there for a little while.

since my tummy is getting bigger by the day..when i sit it will be super uncomfortable and the fact that i have stretch marks on my lower tummy x help at all. so..i begged my husband to find me bio oil and i am tossing the palmers cream in the trash! and its so hard not to scratch..huuu..macam nak nangis pon ade because i feel so uncomfortable especially at night. but i am a bit thankfull that only that part of my tummy yang ada stretch marks. other moms sometimes experience stretch marks on their breast, legs and all around their tummy..so..okla..have to calm down a bit and try oh so hard not to scratch!

so..now im just sticking to bio oil and hope that the itchiness will go away.. amin!

entering the big 9

im now in my 35th week and im absolutely nervous~! gahh!!

it will be five weeks more or less to go before i meet my baby..my cute lil blueberry. this journey..coming up to 9 months is very eventful and i would never never ever forget it for the rest of my life. the first time i knew i was pregnant, the bleeding i experience during my second month (it was scary u know~!), the drama here and there involving whoever la, the short babymoon me n fadhliy went (heavenly..with our own private pool~), the realization that i have to cancel my trip to Bali, going through my finals while pregnant and many more events that i will never forget. it has its ups and downs but heck, its been a great journey. 5 weeks is not that far along..so im hoping and praying that everything goes well.. amin.

on the baby stuf part, i started buying lil things here and there when i was about 6 months. and im telling you, baby stuffs is soo soooo expensive~! plus the monthly appointments..expensive too! well, yeah u have the choice of going private of government, but me.. by asking lots of opinions from many people and also my biggest supporter my mom, i opted to do all my checking and insyaAllah deliver in DEMC which is in Shah alam.

last week, i went to the baby fair in midvalley and my mom gave me or rather my baby a beautiful baby cot set. subhanallah..its soo soo beautiful. with the promotion, my mom bought the baby cot which can be transformed into a toddlers bed and also a changing table!! i always wanted a changing table and actually considering buying one at IKEA for rm400 i think? but alhamdulillah..got one from my mom and i love love loveee it to bits! so for now..i think i got the baby stuff s under control. then suddenly i realise that ive been neglecting myself whereby it didnt cross my mind about my confinement period. and that subject been giving me soooooOOooo many headaches!! i mean i dont know what to do suddenly. since my mom is working..its kinda difficult for my mom to look after me..

so i started looking for options and i have the option of going back to my in laws in kelantan..but..gulp, it was never an option to me because i know each and every mommy to be out there would rather stay at our own mommy's then go to the in laws right? i mean nothing against the in laws or whatever..but surely u feel more comfortable with your mom plus, if i were to go to kelantan, i will be going there alone without my husband and that...would be unbearable to me!! but i still have to consider it as my last resort.. because theres no way my in laws would want to come here n jaga me..since she has other responsibilities..so xpela..

i was emotional sometimes thinking about my pantang period.. but finally, after advice from mom and having a long talk with the husband, we decided to that i would have my confinement here..at my mom's! yeayyness! my sisters was against me going to kelantan anyway..so..that settles it. now nak cari tukang urut and everything. stock up on kain batik and loose blouses..haih..banyak bende kene readykan..kadang-kadang i feel so overwhelmed..so many things to buy..so many things to think about..so manyyyy things~~ ahh..

me myself, been feeling so huge (no suprise there!), on my last checkup, the baby is 2.6 kg now!! i was actually honestly quite shocked! because 3 weeks ago, he was only like..1.7 kg..so..dah bam bam lagi anak mama ni hehehe..

been having trouble sleeping, maybe because i cant really gerak gerak sgt because my pelvis akan sakit..its like a very sharp sharp pain that i have to take a deeppp deeeeep breath when it comes. i wake up 2-3 times at night to pee and i will never fail to wake up my husband so he could switch on the lights for me (hehehe~). walking sometimes hurt because i think my tummy is very heavy now, kaki bengkak n pedih.. and yes!! i think i have experience my first painful uterine contraction. it makes u ngilu down there..but alhamdulillah, the contraction i experienced not so bad, can still handle it. now..im trying to take it slow eventhough i usually cant. i get serabut quickly and will start kemas this and that, angkat baju sidai baju bla bla bla..so..my husband been nagging me to stop and take it slow and im tryyyyingggg!!

i pray that everything goes well for me..reaching 35 weeks is..wow..cant believe time flies so fast!! pray for me guys..

to blueberry..mama n ayah love u vary much! be safe! and cant wait to see u..muax muax!

8 months

hey.. yeah i know, been neglecting my blog for so long.ok, after many request to update..i will do so now.heheh pemalas gile kan? yala..im in the middle of my exams, but alhamdulillah, so far so good la. this saturday is my last paper and insyaAllah, if all goes well, i'll be graduating in a months time~!! yeayness!! finally! the i will start my journey as a lecturer and insyaAllah..more moolahh hohoho..cant wait for the more moolah part.

i am now entering my eighth month..wow, cant u believe it? i have about 7 weeks before my EDD..7 weeksss!!! im like, really? so far so good la. apart from the kaki bengkak, back aches and pelvis ache..everything is ok. i feel so heavy now. im waddling rather than walking. i get breathless just by walking to the bathroom... etc etc.

my baby is super active, poking everywhere and gerak sana sini. i can actually know where he is even when he is not moving..heheheh miracle or what? i talk to him a lot now..so that he can recognise my voice. as u cn see, been calling the baby "he". heheh yep..insyaAllah, i am expecting a baby boy :) happy happy...

now, my doct appointments are scheduled every 2 weeks, since im nearing my due date. the last visit was ok. my amniotic fluid is ok, baby doing great. the doct said "lili, your baby is so round! and he looks so mummy" heheh we had a good laugh in the doctor's room that day. because, my lil baby siap boleh tata kat mama and ayah dia with his chubby hands. and his cheeks.. ishh..belom keluar dr perut pon rase nak gigit! really cant wait for the baby to come..

also, my problem with my blood pressure. as stated before, i have no high bp, but i just get soooo nervous bila masuk bilik doct. i dont know, nerves i guess. so that doct said, she wants to monitor my bp..then will decide on my labour. if my bp still elevated and the baby is stressful inside my tummy, i maybe kena induced by my 37th week. if everything is fine..39-40th weeks la i'll be due. but alhamdulillah, on my last visit, my bp is ok..so..alhamdulillah..hope will be ok till my due date..i want my lil blueberry be fully baked!! hehehehe.


on the preparation part, alhamdulillah..i think we got almost everything on the list. stroller put on hold dulu since the baby is not even going to use it awal2 ni.. other things, settled. i think.. hm, we havent actually started packing the hospital bag since im still busy with my exams and my husband is super bz with his viva. but, by next week both of us will be free for one last round to check out baby stuffs and kemas the bilik baby etc etc etc..wow!! overwhelming..nasib baik got my brother n husband to help kemaskan bilik nanti..phew~

so..all in all..ok kot semua. hope all goes well..

my husband been really alert nowdays. a slight mumble from me he will go like "nape syg? u ok?" heheh he actually wants to do a labour drill as in nak try buat mcm fire drill tu. to see brape lama it takes for us to get ready and reach the hospital..just in case!! in a way i think he is wayyyyyy too extreme. however,..cute jugak kan? hehehe i am ever so grateful to have a wonderful husband like him.. :) love u syg ~

so..thats a quick update from me. wish me luck for my exams!!

ps: mummy and ayah love u blueberry!