update~

this is blueberry about a month ago..

alhamdulillH..i am now about 3months and 1 week pregnant. i am so relieved to have passed the first trimester..i can now at least breathe a bit more calmly and not panic on every little sign that is alien or weird. hohoho..but i still get panicky sometimes. u see me cool n calm but inside, my heart is beating really fast and sometimes i get so nervous that i have to quietly calm myself..fuhh.. but alhamdulillah..praise to Allah for making everything fine and giving me this wonderful blessing.. :)

i went to the doctor on monday for my monthly checkup. the doctor says everything is ok..the baby is doing fine and i can see the heart is beating through the ultrasound. but this time, we cant really see the baby clearly..the baby keeps moving n being active..so its a good sign. i love u baby~!!

anywayyy.. the doctor checked my blood pressure and immediately says that its on the high side and ask me to refer to a physician after seeing her. but, before i go and see the physician, i must first do the routine blood test and urine test to check for diabetes. so..off i went to the lab to do my blood n urine test with my husband in tow :)

to tell u the truth, i have a "thing" with needles where i am utterly and absolutely scared of needles~!! but, i psyched myself all the way to the lab by saying to myself "lili, ur going to have a baby, so u must be strong n throw away this ridiculous fear of needles that u have ur whole life!!" hahahah it was harddddd..i was super nervous while waiting for my turn. my husband make lame jokes to make me feel relaxed, which worked in a way..hohoho.. so sweet of him tho.

well, when my turn finally came, suprisingly, i was calm n ready to be poked hohoho. the thing is, i must look at my hand while the needle is being inserted so that i can anticipate when the pain will come.. hoho. weird i know. but..i have my own way of dealing with my fears hehehe. so..there i was staring at the stringe and needle poked in my hand and the blood flowing steadily inside. then, its over~! so..not so painful at all. after taking my blood, i am asked to drink this yucky super super sweet glukose drink. a whole mugful of it..yuckkk..i nearly threw up on the lab floor~! hooho..and i was asked to come back in 2 hours to give my urine.

Then, off i went to see the physician. waited for half n hour and finally get to see the physician. the physician checked my blood pressure n eyes and hand. he explained that having high BP is dangerous for both the mother n baby. it could cause the baby being premature and many other things. so..its vital that he control and monitor my BP from the early stage. he was a bit puzzled because when he checked my BP, my BP was not so high. but he still want me to monitor my BP for 2 weeks and then come and see him again. the physician also wants me to do a blood test~!! arghh..again..have to go to the lab and the lab staff poked my other arm.. so now i have 2 plastered arms hehehe. nasib baik x payah drive..if x..lenguh jugak laa kott..~~

then, its time to pay the hospital bills for the day..tettt tettt hohoho. mahal gile..yeap..xpected since its private. buttt...mmg terkejut dgn amountnyee..agak lari jugak la budget for next month ni. nearly nearrllyyyy rm1k. nak pengsan jap. hohoho.yeap..hospital bills aint cheap~! but, i hope everything will go well and xpayah nak g amik amik darah lagi :(

my mom cakap, "tula..now u know macam mana susahnya nak mengandungkan anak ni.." hohoho baik mama..insaf. mmg susah n banyak dugaan. but insyaAllah, with my husband, my mom n dad, and my siblings, i can get through all of this. i cant wait to see u baby..we are all waiting for u :) be safe~! mama loves u~

Heartbeat

well..i am now about 11 weeks pregnant..

last week, i started to have really light brownish bleeding.. and i didnt go to the doctor right away as i googled it, they say that brown blood is just old blood and it always comes out when you're nearing the end of your 1st trimester. so..i thought nothing of it..but i was instructed by my mom to get a lot of rest which turns out that i have to lie down most of the time. so..the bleeding stops after 3 days and then on sunday it starts again. so then..i became a bit panicked. so..on early monday morning i when to see my gynea. but unfortunately she was off that day so i have to see another gynae..a male doctor hohoho.agak malu disitu.. but this doc turns out really great and gentle.

when i first came in i told him about the bleeding and all bla bla bla..so he just said, why dont we scan n see whats going on? soo..i lie down and the nurse open my pants and tarik skit underwear..the male doctor x touch me langsung...so thats good la.i started to relax and x nervous sgt...

the doctor put the cold jelly on my belly and started scanning using the thing (i seriously x tau whats it called~~ hohoho). anywayyyyy...took a long time to locate the baby..bila dah nampak..dia pusing mesin tu sana, pusing sini because he cannot find the baby's heartbeat. i was preparing for the worse i was starting to panic and want to cry... and the after searching searching..finally...we heard the baby's heartbeat... Subhanallah..its the most beautiful sound in the world. i was in total awe.. words cannot dicribe how i feel at that very moment..i was speecless and i can feel my eyelids were wet. i was totally amazed of this little "blueberry" growing inside my tummy. and that time it truly truly hit me that... i have a life growing inside me..and the heart is beating really really fast~!! ahh..it was a really touching and moving moment for me and my husband. my husband actually asked, is that the heart beat? he too was speechless....

the doctor then explained..that my tummy is a bit tebal (hohoho sorry sayang..ur mama a bit fat~! ohoho) so thats why kadang2 susah nak locate the heartbeat.. then while explaining the doctor say "haa..ur tuummy a bit tebal..see..if i press ur tummy.." then the doctor press my tummy with the scanner thing, then the baby actually gerak gerak~! arms and legs dia was like waving waving. me n my husband terus gelak~!! it was sooo sooOOOoo cuteee the way it wiggles when the doc press my tummy hehehe~~ then lap lap perut and then sit dengan doctor again. the doctor gave me some pills to stop the bleeding and ask me to come by in 2 weeks :)

so everything is ok.. my lil blueberry is fine and active..very naughty yee anak mama, wiggle wiggle like that.. i love u sooo soo much~

i hope you will grow up healthy and mama wants to see u again in two weeks ~~!! muax muax

6 months

today marks the 6th month ive been married...

and today i feel all nostalgic and remembering the day that i got married. i dug out out photo albums and wedding cd's and look through the pictures taken on that day. 6 months ago i became his and now i am carrying our child in my womb. who could ever guessed? that i'll be blessed with such miracle so early in my marriage? i am thankful of every day that i am here and everyday that we share because each day, my love for him grows stronger and stronger :)

i still remember clearly that day...5th june 2010. i woke up really early in the morning to get ready. all through the nikah ceremony i was trying so sooo very hard not to cry.trying to keep my cool. but, after 1 lafaz, i became officially his and my tears just starts rolling down my cheeks. when i salam my mom, all the tears i try to keep inside just broke loose and there i was, bawling on my wedding day hahahaha. it was quite funny after a while, when i look at my nikah pictures i looked so sad and ready to cry.. and there i was thinking that i was looking calm n cool while waiting for the lafaz. i cried non stop when i salam my mom, dad and my siblings. i just felt that.. it is very emotional for a girl to be married especially when u are very veryy close to your family. its like letting go of something that u know and love so long to go into another place that u barely know... n here i am, 6 months along doing preety good i guess.

one thing that i've learn, even after u are married, u still have the to chance to hang out with your family, macam bujang2 dulu. i am very very lucky because my husband is an understanding person and we spend more time at my family's house than our own hohoho!

when i look back at my wedding pictures i again say my thanks to HIM for giving me soo many blessing.. the ultimate gift that HE gave me is a wonderful family. it still bring me to tears when i think back at how hard they worked for my wedding.. :) i am indeed lucky..

also, HE gave me my scholarship when the time i needed it the most... soon after that he gave me the most precious thing ---- my little blueberry.

i know this year i have sooo sooo much to be thankful about..

alhamdulillah... Amin :)