yes, in this world we have to have give and take. respect other people.as a few of u know, i am currently pursuing my masters and STILL waiting for my scholarship which is taking its own sweet time to come kan? during this whole period of waiting i've been tempted several times to apply for jobs (which i did by the way), but none, yep NONE, zilch feedback from the prospective employer. i did manage to get 1 interview but..i failed it obviously.. shhesh. its really hard for me now. when i failed time n time again to get interviews or feedbacks, i would think that well, maybe rezeki aku still dengan TPM ni kot? so..now, after countless of tries, i am still jobless n moneyless huuuhuuu.
sooOoo..this is when u will ask me the cepumas question "WHY DID U QUIT LILI WHEN U KNOW UR GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR N SURELY U NEED THE $$$?"
FIRST AND FOREMOST..
i had a really bad (can i say bad?) experience while i was doing my chambering. i mean it is bad in my books. i slaved away for 9 months, sometimes having to stay back at the office until 3a.m, exausted and depressed and annoyed at the same time. but, i had fun there,my officemates mmg best~! everyday we will drag our feet and moan n groan thinking "well, today pukul berapa agaknya kita balik?" i know, sepatutnya as a chambering student x kesah la balik lambat sume kan? part and parcel of like la kan? but i hate it. i hate it so much that everyday i resent and hate work... and maybe minat tu fading away bit by bit.
after chambering, i applied for another job at a new firm thinking that i should give practicing another shot. i guess..i was wrong. i ended up in this firm where my bos is super crazy. crazy i mean a bos who likes to maki and slam things in front of u. scarYyyy i know. words like stupid and useless scremed in front of my face and in front of all the clerks where the clerks have no whatsoever respect for me. i was like the officeboy there..cam tu level i kat sana. and my heart hurt everyday..n the feeling of dread going to work..again materialize..i want to quit. but..i just cant. i hate being a quitter.
come january..suddenly an opportunity materialize. i saw the TPM advertisement and the faculty called and offered me a place. i saw this opportunity as a chance for me to be happy and not hate my life. that is the state i was then. i discuss it with my parents and my parents fully support me. the faculty said that i will get the offer within 2 months and that i should start my master immediately so that i can save time and graduate early---- which means that i have to pay the rm4k fees on my own...and after i get the scholarship, i will be reimbursed. rm4k is a huge amount and my parents agreed to pay it for me. i was expecting to get my scholarship in february or march the latest. but UiTM being UiTM...lambat la kan? until this moment..NO NEWS. i think about this everyday and sometimes i regret my decision of quitting too early. but..i just cant stand it anymore. i just want to quit and start anew. i guess..starting over is taking its time and taking a toll on me. im drained...seriously...but the thing is..i know i got the scholarship. my lecturer and even the scholarship dept said ..i got it. but tunggu nak proses surat.wut the heck kan?~!
anyway..everyday i think of my decisions and sometimes i think that my life xada hala tuju like i dont know what i want in my life. and i feel sad and hopeless that i have no income and being supported fully by my parents. i feel so useless because i should be out there and earn money..i have all the qualifications but i am not using it. is this the example that i am showing to my siblings? am i good person for doing all this? i feel so.. useless... thats how i feel now. i feel like crying and shouting on the top of my lungs "gimme a break~! please~!" and i feel so sad that i cant dontribute anything for my wedding..x resources :(
but i guess...apart from all my personal problems, i am blessed with wonderful parents, siblings and fiancee'. they fully support me and my mom understands why i made the decisions i made. my mom told me that i looked very unhappy while i was practicing. i guess..mothers just knows kan? my parents planned a lovely wedding for me..eventhough there's some problems here and there like..ehem ehem. but i will take it all in stride.. i know, eventhough my parents is not as rich.. they plan my wedding as beautiful as they can because they love me. my parents worked hard for my wedding because they love me. and i am so blessed to have them..i guess.. i am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to have these people in my life... :(
pray for me guys..pray that i can hold on..amin
sooOoo..this is when u will ask me the cepumas question "WHY DID U QUIT LILI WHEN U KNOW UR GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR N SURELY U NEED THE $$$?"
FIRST AND FOREMOST..
i had a really bad (can i say bad?) experience while i was doing my chambering. i mean it is bad in my books. i slaved away for 9 months, sometimes having to stay back at the office until 3a.m, exausted and depressed and annoyed at the same time. but, i had fun there,my officemates mmg best~! everyday we will drag our feet and moan n groan thinking "well, today pukul berapa agaknya kita balik?" i know, sepatutnya as a chambering student x kesah la balik lambat sume kan? part and parcel of like la kan? but i hate it. i hate it so much that everyday i resent and hate work... and maybe minat tu fading away bit by bit.
after chambering, i applied for another job at a new firm thinking that i should give practicing another shot. i guess..i was wrong. i ended up in this firm where my bos is super crazy. crazy i mean a bos who likes to maki and slam things in front of u. scarYyyy i know. words like stupid and useless scremed in front of my face and in front of all the clerks where the clerks have no whatsoever respect for me. i was like the officeboy there..cam tu level i kat sana. and my heart hurt everyday..n the feeling of dread going to work..again materialize..i want to quit. but..i just cant. i hate being a quitter.
come january..suddenly an opportunity materialize. i saw the TPM advertisement and the faculty called and offered me a place. i saw this opportunity as a chance for me to be happy and not hate my life. that is the state i was then. i discuss it with my parents and my parents fully support me. the faculty said that i will get the offer within 2 months and that i should start my master immediately so that i can save time and graduate early---- which means that i have to pay the rm4k fees on my own...and after i get the scholarship, i will be reimbursed. rm4k is a huge amount and my parents agreed to pay it for me. i was expecting to get my scholarship in february or march the latest. but UiTM being UiTM...lambat la kan? until this moment..NO NEWS. i think about this everyday and sometimes i regret my decision of quitting too early. but..i just cant stand it anymore. i just want to quit and start anew. i guess..starting over is taking its time and taking a toll on me. im drained...seriously...but the thing is..i know i got the scholarship. my lecturer and even the scholarship dept said ..i got it. but tunggu nak proses surat.wut the heck kan?~!
anyway..everyday i think of my decisions and sometimes i think that my life xada hala tuju like i dont know what i want in my life. and i feel sad and hopeless that i have no income and being supported fully by my parents. i feel so useless because i should be out there and earn money..i have all the qualifications but i am not using it. is this the example that i am showing to my siblings? am i good person for doing all this? i feel so.. useless... thats how i feel now. i feel like crying and shouting on the top of my lungs "gimme a break~! please~!" and i feel so sad that i cant dontribute anything for my wedding..x resources :(
but i guess...apart from all my personal problems, i am blessed with wonderful parents, siblings and fiancee'. they fully support me and my mom understands why i made the decisions i made. my mom told me that i looked very unhappy while i was practicing. i guess..mothers just knows kan? my parents planned a lovely wedding for me..eventhough there's some problems here and there like..ehem ehem. but i will take it all in stride.. i know, eventhough my parents is not as rich.. they plan my wedding as beautiful as they can because they love me. my parents worked hard for my wedding because they love me. and i am so blessed to have them..i guess.. i am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to have these people in my life... :(
pray for me guys..pray that i can hold on..amin
