today is my mom's birthday. we had a simple do last night at mid night to celebrate her birthday... its kinda a family tradition when we all would be gathered together and sing happy birthday and eat yummy treats. heee~~ memang fun spending time with the family. i can never get enough of them u know~!!!
happy birthday mama.. i love u with all my heart. you are the best mom ever~!! i could not ask for me... love u love u love u~~
on another note, im going back to KB this weekend to see my uncle.. so...yeah..im still praying for him..
doakan perjalanan saye.. amin
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
its hard
suddenly i feel really down..
maybe the fact that something that really tears my heart just happened. feeling so left out.. haiyah...
i x expect people to understand my situation. everyone have their own problems right? but i do believe that Allah make me go through all these things to make me stronger and make me hope that there will be a brighter future ahead of me. sometimes i would think to myself...maybe i should go far away n not let others know what i am feeling and what i am going thru at this very moment. because its depressing...its just soo..sad...
how people react when i tell them my condition and etc.. they just brush me off n pretend that i am lying when i am not..well.. i cant paksa people to think what i want kan? thats way beyond me...
all i can do now is just to hold tight and hope that next month or in a couple of months...my condition will be better and i can be the person that i want to be InsyAllah.. being alone and trying to hide it is something very hard to do..but i will try to hang on..
i am not the kind of person that u think i am..in this condition, i am forced to be this way...so..i am sorry if u think that i am burdening others with my problem.. because i really appreciate each helping hand that i can get and thank Allah for giving me these wonderful people..
on a happier note, i had a great catching up session with one of my closest fren in Uni. how i miss her and i hope that everything goes well for her . good luck my dear :)
maybe the fact that something that really tears my heart just happened. feeling so left out.. haiyah...
i x expect people to understand my situation. everyone have their own problems right? but i do believe that Allah make me go through all these things to make me stronger and make me hope that there will be a brighter future ahead of me. sometimes i would think to myself...maybe i should go far away n not let others know what i am feeling and what i am going thru at this very moment. because its depressing...its just soo..sad...
how people react when i tell them my condition and etc.. they just brush me off n pretend that i am lying when i am not..well.. i cant paksa people to think what i want kan? thats way beyond me...
all i can do now is just to hold tight and hope that next month or in a couple of months...my condition will be better and i can be the person that i want to be InsyAllah.. being alone and trying to hide it is something very hard to do..but i will try to hang on..
i am not the kind of person that u think i am..in this condition, i am forced to be this way...so..i am sorry if u think that i am burdening others with my problem.. because i really appreciate each helping hand that i can get and thank Allah for giving me these wonderful people..
on a happier note, i had a great catching up session with one of my closest fren in Uni. how i miss her and i hope that everything goes well for her . good luck my dear :)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Lets PRAY..
its been a really heartbreaking few days for me.. i mean.. my heart feels like there's so much weight that sometimes i feel like i couldn't breathe..
on Saturday after i finished my first part of IELTS exam and after iftar.. my dad receive a heartbreaking news that my uncle very tenat. my uncle is suffering from stage 4 brain cancer and the news we received that he is not gonna make it for long...
rase cam nak tercabut jantung.. i mean i always remember him being the most active during sukaneka on our WCJ family days and he use to be so energetic. to think of him now..it really breaks my heart. to make it worse..i have to attend the second part of my IELTS exam on monday and if i dont attend..i will have to pay over rm600 all over again to take the test..money that i do not have :(
looking at my parents faces...the mood kat rumah become so quiet and somber..everybody is sad to hear the news. my mom quickly ask me to pack her and dad's things to bring to kelantan as they were trying to catch the last flight out to KB. but sadly, we have to buy tickets at the counter for flights due in 24 hours.. so luckly that my other uncle was at the firefly counter and he bought my parents tickets for a flight first thing in the morning.. i packed my parents things with my mind thinking about my uncle.i feel so guilty not being able to go..and i pray for him everyday that he will hold on just a bit longer so that i can go and see him after my IELTS..
today i received a call that my uncle is stable..but the doctor doesn't give him much time.. so..lets PRAY guys... PRAY that my uncle will be strong and hold on because we still need him here.. AMIN :(
on Saturday after i finished my first part of IELTS exam and after iftar.. my dad receive a heartbreaking news that my uncle very tenat. my uncle is suffering from stage 4 brain cancer and the news we received that he is not gonna make it for long...
rase cam nak tercabut jantung.. i mean i always remember him being the most active during sukaneka on our WCJ family days and he use to be so energetic. to think of him now..it really breaks my heart. to make it worse..i have to attend the second part of my IELTS exam on monday and if i dont attend..i will have to pay over rm600 all over again to take the test..money that i do not have :(
looking at my parents faces...the mood kat rumah become so quiet and somber..everybody is sad to hear the news. my mom quickly ask me to pack her and dad's things to bring to kelantan as they were trying to catch the last flight out to KB. but sadly, we have to buy tickets at the counter for flights due in 24 hours.. so luckly that my other uncle was at the firefly counter and he bought my parents tickets for a flight first thing in the morning.. i packed my parents things with my mind thinking about my uncle.i feel so guilty not being able to go..and i pray for him everyday that he will hold on just a bit longer so that i can go and see him after my IELTS..
today i received a call that my uncle is stable..but the doctor doesn't give him much time.. so..lets PRAY guys... PRAY that my uncle will be strong and hold on because we still need him here.. AMIN :(
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
its FINALLY here :)
tears of joy and at the same time i just cant believe it...
7 looooOOOnngGGgg months i've waited for my scholarship and on the 14th of july it finally arrived. i am soooOooo happy beyong words that i literally jumped up and down and i feel like screaming on the top my my lungs~~ i hugged my husband and thank him for all his patience and his help through everything...
i immediately called my mom and tell her that i've got the scholarship... without my parents i am nobody and nowhere. i couldnt have survived without my parents.. i am doing ok now is all their doing..
i remember just 2 weeks ago i faced a very diffucult time in my life where i have to consider quitting my masters since i still havent got my scholarship and the faculty is just lepas tangan about everything. the thought of not being able to finish my studies literally made me cry to sleep everyday... i was really down and berserah je masa tu. but my mom assured me that she and dad will pay for everything that i need in order for me to complete my studies. i really choked up masa tu... terharu... ;(
but..it arrived .. FINALLY :) and im on the top of the world. rezeki lepas kawen org cakap?
so now i am bz doing all the documentations and all.. yela..org nak bagi scholarship sure banyak songeh and they want everything kannn~! i even have to do a hepititis test and a preganncy test~! hahaha about the pregnancy test : me n fadly were at the edge of our seats masa nak tgk pregnancy kit tu one line or two lines. both of us held our breath and thinking a thousands thoughs at once. both of us still and quiet waiting for the results... berdebar wehhhhh
BUT... hahahah we saw there was two line mula2..but we were looking it backwords. both dah mata bulat dah masatu... we were like "biar betul ni?" and then baru nampak a very clear one line... heheh it was very funny. actually i was very positive i was not pregnant.. but fadly had his doubts. i guess..having a baby now is just.. i dont know. both of us are still studying and me and fadly are just not ready for a baby now with all the hecticness of studying and exams. we have discussed bout this matter and we plan to have a baby next year insyaAllah..but, if Allah nak bagi rezeki this year..we will terima with open arms amin..
also.. our HOME is nearly complete. today my mom and dad gave us a fridge :) best gile k~!! very chic' ... black metal :) love it love it love it. thank u mama n ayah... love u guys veryyy veryyyYyyy muchooo
so..maybe nak plan a buka puasa for the cousins and friends :) we'll see k?
the wedding story and all..wah..x mood to write yet..nanti2 la k? baru nak browse through the pictures :)
thank you for all ur well wishes and for those that prayed for me and give me support while i was waiting for my scholarship.. love u guys :)
7 looooOOOnngGGgg months i've waited for my scholarship and on the 14th of july it finally arrived. i am soooOooo happy beyong words that i literally jumped up and down and i feel like screaming on the top my my lungs~~ i hugged my husband and thank him for all his patience and his help through everything...
i immediately called my mom and tell her that i've got the scholarship... without my parents i am nobody and nowhere. i couldnt have survived without my parents.. i am doing ok now is all their doing..
i remember just 2 weeks ago i faced a very diffucult time in my life where i have to consider quitting my masters since i still havent got my scholarship and the faculty is just lepas tangan about everything. the thought of not being able to finish my studies literally made me cry to sleep everyday... i was really down and berserah je masa tu. but my mom assured me that she and dad will pay for everything that i need in order for me to complete my studies. i really choked up masa tu... terharu... ;(
but..it arrived .. FINALLY :) and im on the top of the world. rezeki lepas kawen org cakap?
so now i am bz doing all the documentations and all.. yela..org nak bagi scholarship sure banyak songeh and they want everything kannn~! i even have to do a hepititis test and a preganncy test~! hahaha about the pregnancy test : me n fadly were at the edge of our seats masa nak tgk pregnancy kit tu one line or two lines. both of us held our breath and thinking a thousands thoughs at once. both of us still and quiet waiting for the results... berdebar wehhhhh
BUT... hahahah we saw there was two line mula2..but we were looking it backwords. both dah mata bulat dah masatu... we were like "biar betul ni?" and then baru nampak a very clear one line... heheh it was very funny. actually i was very positive i was not pregnant.. but fadly had his doubts. i guess..having a baby now is just.. i dont know. both of us are still studying and me and fadly are just not ready for a baby now with all the hecticness of studying and exams. we have discussed bout this matter and we plan to have a baby next year insyaAllah..but, if Allah nak bagi rezeki this year..we will terima with open arms amin..
also.. our HOME is nearly complete. today my mom and dad gave us a fridge :) best gile k~!! very chic' ... black metal :) love it love it love it. thank u mama n ayah... love u guys veryyy veryyyYyyy muchooo
so..maybe nak plan a buka puasa for the cousins and friends :) we'll see k?
the wedding story and all..wah..x mood to write yet..nanti2 la k? baru nak browse through the pictures :)
thank you for all ur well wishes and for those that prayed for me and give me support while i was waiting for my scholarship.. love u guys :)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
pre wedding
hey..
people started bustling here and there..paling bz of cos my family.mmg kesian tgk all of them running here and there..muka penat..mmg kesian.. tq tq n i love u guys so much~!!
alhamdulillah...i have been married to my soulmate for a month now. i've been neglecting my blog because i just have no time or no mood to write~! huhuu..the past few months before the wedding have been super duper hectic. not to mention, my cousin decided suddenly that he wants to get married one week before my wedding. dramas aside, me and the whole family was in kelantan for the whole week before my wedding and we only got back on the 1st of june. then everything went into a blur of hecticness :)
a week before my cousins wedding, me and my family raced against time to kemas everything kat rumah and finalize everything. we paint the walls and grills ourselves hehehe.. it was stressfull and fun at the same time :) everyday.. surely there is something new arrived at the house...when i remember those moments..memang priceless..i feel so lucky and grateful to have such wonderful family members who sacrifice everything for my wedding..sweat and tears..seriously..we worked from morning until wee hours in the morning..
fast forward to thursday (2 days before the wedding) --- all the khemah and pelamin sampai and cousins started to arrive.. one of the first to arrive from dungun is my aunty. she said dia balik basuh baju and terus datang puncak alam..ooo so sweet kan?
a week before my cousins wedding, me and my family raced against time to kemas everything kat rumah and finalize everything. we paint the walls and grills ourselves hehehe.. it was stressfull and fun at the same time :) everyday.. surely there is something new arrived at the house...when i remember those moments..memang priceless..i feel so lucky and grateful to have such wonderful family members who sacrifice everything for my wedding..sweat and tears..seriously..we worked from morning until wee hours in the morning..
fast forward to thursday (2 days before the wedding) --- all the khemah and pelamin sampai and cousins started to arrive.. one of the first to arrive from dungun is my aunty. she said dia balik basuh baju and terus datang puncak alam..ooo so sweet kan?
people started bustling here and there..paling bz of cos my family.mmg kesian tgk all of them running here and there..muka penat..mmg kesian.. tq tq n i love u guys so much~!!
on friday --- 24hours before the wedding. i woke up early to look at the hantarans made by my super talented aunties.. and i started to sneeze and my nose suddenly asyik berair je. at that time i was bz getting this and that for the hantaran. i was thinking "this cannot be happening...this cannot be happening before my wedding..". then suddenly my dad came in and gave me a bunch of cash and shooed me, yeah..literally shoooed me out of the house and demand that i go to a spa and relax. hahaha cute gile ok~! i mean, i did'nt plan for a spa trip for my wedding, i only did a facial. so..i went to a spa near my house and i choose the most expensive package (mind u, i've NEVER been to a spa before) and relax for the rest of the afternoon. i was pampered for nearly 4 hours. OMG..heaven gile ok~~ after my pampering session, it was already 6.30pm. when i arrived home, all my cousins already arrived since we have a solat hajat that night. so..by then..i was totally relaxed and just tgk2 everybody doing last minute set ups for the wedding.
i was sent to sleep at 11pm.. i tried to sleep but could'nt. so i lay there trying to sleep but my mind is still racing...am i ready for tomorrow? will i cry shamelessly or be cool and calm? i think, around 1am, i fell asleep...but my family slept around 4am doing last minute preparations...
ok..im going to continue on the next post. highlights of my wedding... :)
i was sent to sleep at 11pm.. i tried to sleep but could'nt. so i lay there trying to sleep but my mind is still racing...am i ready for tomorrow? will i cry shamelessly or be cool and calm? i think, around 1am, i fell asleep...but my family slept around 4am doing last minute preparations...
ok..im going to continue on the next post. highlights of my wedding... :)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
give some & get some
yes, in this world we have to have give and take. respect other people.as a few of u know, i am currently pursuing my masters and STILL waiting for my scholarship which is taking its own sweet time to come kan? during this whole period of waiting i've been tempted several times to apply for jobs (which i did by the way), but none, yep NONE, zilch feedback from the prospective employer. i did manage to get 1 interview but..i failed it obviously.. shhesh. its really hard for me now. when i failed time n time again to get interviews or feedbacks, i would think that well, maybe rezeki aku still dengan TPM ni kot? so..now, after countless of tries, i am still jobless n moneyless huuuhuuu.
sooOoo..this is when u will ask me the cepumas question "WHY DID U QUIT LILI WHEN U KNOW UR GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR N SURELY U NEED THE $$$?"
FIRST AND FOREMOST..
i had a really bad (can i say bad?) experience while i was doing my chambering. i mean it is bad in my books. i slaved away for 9 months, sometimes having to stay back at the office until 3a.m, exausted and depressed and annoyed at the same time. but, i had fun there,my officemates mmg best~! everyday we will drag our feet and moan n groan thinking "well, today pukul berapa agaknya kita balik?" i know, sepatutnya as a chambering student x kesah la balik lambat sume kan? part and parcel of like la kan? but i hate it. i hate it so much that everyday i resent and hate work... and maybe minat tu fading away bit by bit.
after chambering, i applied for another job at a new firm thinking that i should give practicing another shot. i guess..i was wrong. i ended up in this firm where my bos is super crazy. crazy i mean a bos who likes to maki and slam things in front of u. scarYyyy i know. words like stupid and useless scremed in front of my face and in front of all the clerks where the clerks have no whatsoever respect for me. i was like the officeboy there..cam tu level i kat sana. and my heart hurt everyday..n the feeling of dread going to work..again materialize..i want to quit. but..i just cant. i hate being a quitter.
come january..suddenly an opportunity materialize. i saw the TPM advertisement and the faculty called and offered me a place. i saw this opportunity as a chance for me to be happy and not hate my life. that is the state i was then. i discuss it with my parents and my parents fully support me. the faculty said that i will get the offer within 2 months and that i should start my master immediately so that i can save time and graduate early---- which means that i have to pay the rm4k fees on my own...and after i get the scholarship, i will be reimbursed. rm4k is a huge amount and my parents agreed to pay it for me. i was expecting to get my scholarship in february or march the latest. but UiTM being UiTM...lambat la kan? until this moment..NO NEWS. i think about this everyday and sometimes i regret my decision of quitting too early. but..i just cant stand it anymore. i just want to quit and start anew. i guess..starting over is taking its time and taking a toll on me. im drained...seriously...but the thing is..i know i got the scholarship. my lecturer and even the scholarship dept said ..i got it. but tunggu nak proses surat.wut the heck kan?~!
anyway..everyday i think of my decisions and sometimes i think that my life xada hala tuju like i dont know what i want in my life. and i feel sad and hopeless that i have no income and being supported fully by my parents. i feel so useless because i should be out there and earn money..i have all the qualifications but i am not using it. is this the example that i am showing to my siblings? am i good person for doing all this? i feel so.. useless... thats how i feel now. i feel like crying and shouting on the top of my lungs "gimme a break~! please~!" and i feel so sad that i cant dontribute anything for my wedding..x resources :(
but i guess...apart from all my personal problems, i am blessed with wonderful parents, siblings and fiancee'. they fully support me and my mom understands why i made the decisions i made. my mom told me that i looked very unhappy while i was practicing. i guess..mothers just knows kan? my parents planned a lovely wedding for me..eventhough there's some problems here and there like..ehem ehem. but i will take it all in stride.. i know, eventhough my parents is not as rich.. they plan my wedding as beautiful as they can because they love me. my parents worked hard for my wedding because they love me. and i am so blessed to have them..i guess.. i am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to have these people in my life... :(
pray for me guys..pray that i can hold on..amin
sooOoo..this is when u will ask me the cepumas question "WHY DID U QUIT LILI WHEN U KNOW UR GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR N SURELY U NEED THE $$$?"
FIRST AND FOREMOST..
i had a really bad (can i say bad?) experience while i was doing my chambering. i mean it is bad in my books. i slaved away for 9 months, sometimes having to stay back at the office until 3a.m, exausted and depressed and annoyed at the same time. but, i had fun there,my officemates mmg best~! everyday we will drag our feet and moan n groan thinking "well, today pukul berapa agaknya kita balik?" i know, sepatutnya as a chambering student x kesah la balik lambat sume kan? part and parcel of like la kan? but i hate it. i hate it so much that everyday i resent and hate work... and maybe minat tu fading away bit by bit.
after chambering, i applied for another job at a new firm thinking that i should give practicing another shot. i guess..i was wrong. i ended up in this firm where my bos is super crazy. crazy i mean a bos who likes to maki and slam things in front of u. scarYyyy i know. words like stupid and useless scremed in front of my face and in front of all the clerks where the clerks have no whatsoever respect for me. i was like the officeboy there..cam tu level i kat sana. and my heart hurt everyday..n the feeling of dread going to work..again materialize..i want to quit. but..i just cant. i hate being a quitter.
come january..suddenly an opportunity materialize. i saw the TPM advertisement and the faculty called and offered me a place. i saw this opportunity as a chance for me to be happy and not hate my life. that is the state i was then. i discuss it with my parents and my parents fully support me. the faculty said that i will get the offer within 2 months and that i should start my master immediately so that i can save time and graduate early---- which means that i have to pay the rm4k fees on my own...and after i get the scholarship, i will be reimbursed. rm4k is a huge amount and my parents agreed to pay it for me. i was expecting to get my scholarship in february or march the latest. but UiTM being UiTM...lambat la kan? until this moment..NO NEWS. i think about this everyday and sometimes i regret my decision of quitting too early. but..i just cant stand it anymore. i just want to quit and start anew. i guess..starting over is taking its time and taking a toll on me. im drained...seriously...but the thing is..i know i got the scholarship. my lecturer and even the scholarship dept said ..i got it. but tunggu nak proses surat.wut the heck kan?~!
anyway..everyday i think of my decisions and sometimes i think that my life xada hala tuju like i dont know what i want in my life. and i feel sad and hopeless that i have no income and being supported fully by my parents. i feel so useless because i should be out there and earn money..i have all the qualifications but i am not using it. is this the example that i am showing to my siblings? am i good person for doing all this? i feel so.. useless... thats how i feel now. i feel like crying and shouting on the top of my lungs "gimme a break~! please~!" and i feel so sad that i cant dontribute anything for my wedding..x resources :(
but i guess...apart from all my personal problems, i am blessed with wonderful parents, siblings and fiancee'. they fully support me and my mom understands why i made the decisions i made. my mom told me that i looked very unhappy while i was practicing. i guess..mothers just knows kan? my parents planned a lovely wedding for me..eventhough there's some problems here and there like..ehem ehem. but i will take it all in stride.. i know, eventhough my parents is not as rich.. they plan my wedding as beautiful as they can because they love me. my parents worked hard for my wedding because they love me. and i am so blessed to have them..i guess.. i am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to have these people in my life... :(
pray for me guys..pray that i can hold on..amin
Thursday, May 20, 2010
15 days & counting
hey ..
been quite bz since the wedding is coming up in less than 3 weeks. im trying not to think of how close i am and try and take it one day at a time. this week i even lost track of days as i cant remember what day is today.. bolehhh takkkkkkkkkkkk~~~
anyway.. fadhliy already moved in our home last week and he just arrived in KB today. he'll be back by early june to settle all lose ends. his family needs him at home for his side of the preparations :) i miss him~!
every day there is something new happening at home..and everyday i feel this pang of sadness and also xcited at the same time. my parents are doing everything in their power and kudrat to make my wedding a very special day and i am so thankful and blessed with such wonderful parents. till this moment, nothing.. NOTHING that i want and need for my wedding my parents x bagi. my house is even complete~!! complete i mean : i have furnitures for my living room, sofas and even beds for the guess rooms~! i mean,... my parents really have set me up for the life ahead...they have provided everything they can when i know most parents dont do that... not everyone have that and i am very blessed and i love my parents from the bottom of my heart...words just cant do justice of what they have done.. terharu ...
i love my parents~!
anyway..less than 15 days im going to be mrs fadhliy :) nervousssss ... pray for me guys :)
been quite bz since the wedding is coming up in less than 3 weeks. im trying not to think of how close i am and try and take it one day at a time. this week i even lost track of days as i cant remember what day is today.. bolehhh takkkkkkkkkkkk~~~
anyway.. fadhliy already moved in our home last week and he just arrived in KB today. he'll be back by early june to settle all lose ends. his family needs him at home for his side of the preparations :) i miss him~!
every day there is something new happening at home..and everyday i feel this pang of sadness and also xcited at the same time. my parents are doing everything in their power and kudrat to make my wedding a very special day and i am so thankful and blessed with such wonderful parents. till this moment, nothing.. NOTHING that i want and need for my wedding my parents x bagi. my house is even complete~!! complete i mean : i have furnitures for my living room, sofas and even beds for the guess rooms~! i mean,... my parents really have set me up for the life ahead...they have provided everything they can when i know most parents dont do that... not everyone have that and i am very blessed and i love my parents from the bottom of my heart...words just cant do justice of what they have done.. terharu ...
i love my parents~!
anyway..less than 15 days im going to be mrs fadhliy :) nervousssss ... pray for me guys :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)