tired of feeling tired

these past weeks, hm.. the last 2 weeks to be exact, i feel soo soooo exhausted. i really really do. everyday i feel like crawling into bed n never wake up..i feel like sleeping for a whole week~! arghh! i hate this feeling.

i get too tired n cranky, i will get whiny and my head feels like its going to burst, my feet feels like lead and my soles feels like needles pricking into them. u know what i mean? nope u dont..unless if u are pregnant! i totally respect those mommies who work all throughout their pregnancy and still being so upbeat and rajin.. (x pernah pulak jumpa org camni lagi..hm..) but hey..surely mesti ada org camtu kan?

the thought of going to work in the morning..dragging ur feet out of bed and doing work until 5, and then having class until 10 o'clock is very very exhausting.. just talking bout it makes me want to cry..because this week, i feel like i cant do it anymore..i am really exhausted.

but.. i have to. need the extra moolah for the baby and all. im working so hard and hope that everything will go as planned..

mommy loves u baby.. be safe and healthy for mommy ok?

6 months and counting

2 weeks ago i went for the antenatal class in DEMC. im planning to give birth there..so i decided to drag my husband along and look at what the hospital have to offer.

so off we went very early in the morning, around 8 to attend the class on a sunday morning -- mind you~!

i find the class really really informative especially the breast feeding class. i mean, theres a lot you can find out in books but when people explain it to you, it will be more clearer and you'll be more confident to do it. i plan to breast feed my baby as long as i can. semangat ni~! hohoho

also, been getting lots of comments saying my tummy is big for being 6 months pregnant, ada pulak yang cakap my tummy looks small even im 6 months pregnant. x tahu la mana satu nak percaya. but i do feel hugeEeeee now. and i cant imagine myself pegi amik finals next month when i am 7 months pregnant sambil jawab jawab soalan finals hahaha. so funny la if terpikir. you know what, when i was pursuing my degree, i used to stare at pregnant ladies yang kebetulan in the same exam hall dgn i, and i would think to myself, "wow, this lady mmg kuat and determine~!" soo now i am in their shoes.

truth to be told, i am very proud of myself ehem* because rase mcm LLB dulu when i spend most of my time at the faculty. i have to go to work in the mornings and mlm i have class until 10 o clock. nak travel from shah alam to puncak alam takes about 30-40 mins.. so bayangkan..i am exhausted everyday~! usually i akan sampai rumah @ 11 o clock.. imagine la. i rase org yang x pregnant pon akan pengsan~!

but i keep going.. i must make sure that i achieve what i plan to achieve and get what i want. i cannot make the excuse of being pregnant to slow down n relax (eventhough i want to soo soo much~) life must go on..and my baby is here to teman me everywhere i go..so xpela :)

my blueberry have been kicking a lot and sgt kuat lately.even my husband terkejut bertapa kuatnya dia tendang..and its funny and sometimes uncomfortable, especially when the baby kicks down downnnn low.. terkejut n kadang2 mcm uncomfortable. when he kicks hard i will ask him "what are u so xcited about syg?" then he will kick n kick n kick..hei..so active. but i enjoy his kicks~! let him play puas puas. and i realise, dia punya nap time dah berubah, usually he will kick tgh hari and in the afternoon. now he likes to kick at bedtime..mlm-mlm dia akan kick a lot~! and his mummy will not get to sleep layan his kicks..cute cute hehehe. i am enjoying it.. :) i am happy :)

i cant wait for my baby to come out.. so xcited seeing all my friends giving birth and all. not that i am not scared, but at this time, i think child birth pain is what i have to go through to bring this precious lil munchkin into the world. i love him so much already now~! imagine when he comes out cne~! hohoho.. also, when mummy is sad or down, my baby is here with me always..i talk to my baby sometimes..cause i know he can hear me..

anyways.. cepat la habis Masters n come June quick quick..x sabar nak jumpa blueberry.. i love u sayang :)

22 weeks :)

alhamdulillah..im in the middle of it! hohoh i am halfway through :) happy happy but very very nervous.

my second trimester is breezier if i can say so myself. no more waking up 3-4 times in the middle of the night to pee, no more morning sickness and no more feeling queasy all the time. so far soo good alhamdulillah.

however, been starting to get leg cramps. hurm.. been drinking milk and soya everyday..in large quantity if i may say so myself.also, been eating the calcium pill the doctor prescribes, soo..still x paham if cakap my body x enough calcium. i get very very tired just by walking..and mind u, hahaha i walk very very slow now and my brother makes fun the way i walk. "kak lili, u walk like a peguin!" ha! thanks very much. a cute penguin..so xpe hahaha.

my cute lil blueberry is starting to kick a lot! especially at the hospital, while waiting for his atok..so.. been getting tingles and ticklish here and there. i got the pregnant women syndrome where i like to touch my tummy alllll the time.i dont know, just a habit i've developed through the months :P

also, my breast is growing uncontrollably and i personally think its humongous where its not even funny anymore!! my husband like it tho..hahaha obviously~~ but i've manage to keep my weight in check..i didnt gain much, to date, i only gained about 3 kgs which is good because since i am already overweight, i couldnt risk piling on the kgs while im pregnant because it will cause complications later on. so..im doing ok in the weight part.

but the leg cramps..xboleh tahan! my mom says walking a lot will help..but i think i walked too much going around the faculty and everything sampai lenguh lenguh kaki boohoo..im complaining a lot aint i? but i love the fact that my belly is besar sekarang hehehe.new experience..and i love how my tummy looks now. maybe i should snap pictures to share with u guys..

anyway, just an update from me :)

ps: we actually know the sex of the baby..but x pegi detail scan lagi. will know and confirm the details next week :) be safe for mommy, blueberry..love u!

WeeeeepYyyy Mummy

ive been seriously weepy the past 2-3 weeks. things happening arround me doesnt help me either. this is a very difficult time for me as some events have happened which i am not ready to share with u guys. what i think and feel about this matter is for me alone to know and discuss with my husband. i thank Allah everyday for giving me a wonderful and caring husband beside me.. i know for a fact that without him, i would'nt have survived last week. we talked a lot since then.. discussing how do we feel about things.. we even cried together one night while discussing things that bother both of us. for me, the most important thing is that we both understand each other and both of us are in the same level of thinking.. thats what important.

yesterday.. i was crying again. a lot of sadness surrounds me yesterday. i was so mad and my heart could not stop beating so fast all through the night. i could'nt sleep. i was mad and also sad. i woke up with a nightmare and i woke up wanting to cry --- again.i believe things happen for a reason. im trying to push aside this anger and pain i feel so that i can live normally again. i was just starting to cool down from the last episode but suddenly it happened again. its not right..but hey, shit happens. right?

i hope to find my peace someday.. i even think of doing the extreme yesterday..but i just dont have the heart or strength to do it.it drains me to the core of my being. being at war with my feelings is very very tiring. but i cant.. my feelings have been broken and cut into tiny little pieces and im afraid that this feeling of hurt that i feel could not be mend. but i do pray every day that one day i would find peace with all the things that have happened.

i guess this is just one of the symptoms of being pregnant, being weepy all the time...

on a happier note, i can feel blueberry kicking me all the time~! heheee.. i love u baby..please come quick and make mummy happy everyday ok..muax muax

TIRE----D~~

a week ago, i got an offer to become an RA for one of the senior lecturer in my faculty. i was overjoyed because firstly, i would earn rm1k more monthly that i plan i would put 100% in our baby account where i have been saving together with my husband for the preparation of our own lil bundle of joy :) i hope we will get at least more than 10k by the time blueberry arrives since i have yet to know what is my birth plan and i need a backup in case that i have to deliver thru surgery which surely would cost me about 8k. we are now more than halfway through..so i hope by june..we can get more. insyaAllah..i believe in rezeki anak :)

secondly, i hope to get the chance to know the ropes here in the law faculty because i am going to be one of the faculty member very very soon

thirdly, i hope that i could persuade this senior lecturer to try and convince the panels so that i can teach in shah alam, or better yet ------- puncak alam. ya laa...im having a baby here..it would be so hard if kene posting mana mana..i hope i can get to teach here.

so..i see this as a wonderful opportunity for me.. but i didnt anticipate the exaustion that i felt after completing the first day of work. yup..i am 16 weeks pregnant now..my tummy is rounder and i feel so heavy..hohoho..kene naik tangga faculty hari hari is a challenge for me. if nothing truly utterly important for me to do that requires me to go down or up the stairs..i will avoid it at all cost~!!!

to be axect, yesterday was my first day. as usual..i arrived first thing in the morning about 9a.m. settle down and my bos had a list waiting for me..i mean a list of work that i need to do. internet was down at the faculty ... so i cant do much really :P but i finally finished all my work and about half an hour before 5, my lecturer told me that my class at 6.30 is cancelled.i was overjoyed and cant wait to rush back home and lie down till tomorrow hohoho.. but NOPE ----- turns out my husband have class and his class finishes at 10!! horror... i was thinking..aiyooo..this surely going to be a long day :(

so...after my husband's class ended, we went to buy some food for my sister's birthday celebration (Happy birthday ALIAAAA~~!!) and finally..about 11.15..i arrived home and ready to faint. i was soooooooo tired to the core that i feel like i could'nt walk anymore~! u know that pregnant women gets tired 100x worse!!! i was ready to collapse.. but hey, got a birthday to celebrate.. hohoo after celebrating my sister's birthday.. by 1 o'clock i was getting so cranky that i just want to sleeppp sleep sleeepppp.. i collapse on the bed with a very bad back pain n try to sleep thru the night :(

so..here i am..9am, back in the office. it took real superhuman effort for me to wake up this morning! i hope i would survive this job..n i hope to do it excellently..need the extra cash and get to spend more time doing assignments then lepakking at home doing nothing (ohhhh i miss that!!)

pray for me guys :)

ps: i think im starting to feel little butterfly movements in my belly..is it my blueberry learning to kick mommy's tummy? hehehe

ok. tired pregnant women signing off

15 weeks

alhamdulillah..i am now officially 15 weeks pregnant. i am happy and quite relieved actually hohoho.

just to share with u what ive experience during the whole 15 weeks of my pregnancy :)


morning sickness

the usual, morning sickness yang datang bukan sahaja morning, every second of the day it will come without warning. but i am quite weird when other pregnant women knows what actually make them sick and vomit, but me..??? nothing specific. it can be the smell of drains or even a simple thing like the smell of eggs or budu hohoho. the toilet makes me squirmy.. no matter whose toilet it is. even my own!! being the clean freak that i am, i am aware of everything thats in the toilet..even talking about this making me vomit. what i realise is that i just cant stomacth going in public toilets and mamak stalls. eww makes me vomit everytime~!

back aches

arghh..my back aches came very early in my pregnancy. you see, when i was about standard 3-5, cant remember, i fell down a horse and the doc said my back is a bit crooked. so.. since im pregnant, my lower back is really really bugging me. i get pains all the time especially when i try to sleep. to tukar from 1 position to another takes so much effort sometimes~! but i realise, that it starting to fade bit by bit. but my back is still killlllingggg me. i read on some pregnancy blogs that back aches will get better in the 2nd trimester..oohhh..i hope its true. i need a comfortable night's sleep plz~!

insomnia

yup..i have a mile case of insomnia where some nights its soo hard for me to fall asleep. my husband, being the human being that he issss..letak kepala kat bantal je boleh tido~! jeles~! soo..i will gerak kiri kanan kiri kanan trying to get the best sleeping position so i can sleep, which at the same time is not helping my back.. sigh~~ i hope my in my 2nd trimester..i will be sleeping a bit better..

cranky/ no mood

yup..mood swings~~ pregnant women are like that so bare with us. we dont mean to be so cranky.. hohoho sorry syg~ but i become more cranky than ever and even the simplest thing makes me mad like..ntah, xleh pikir. but, trying to control this crankiness..soooOOoo not good~!

lazy

yupp..i becomes sooo sooo lazy doing housework or whatever. but sometimes i want to do it, but i just cant bring myself to do it. soo..my husband will do most of it. alhamdulillah..maybe its due to the fact that i get super superr tired easily and i get easly breathless. i read pregnancy books, they order us to be slackers so that we get the rest that we need. dont overdo ourselves and alwayss alwaysssss relax and take everything easy :) alhamdulillah..my siblings are covering this part..i thank god everyday because i have such beautiful n caring n rajin sgt punya siblings hohoho thanks guys sebab layan me~!

tired and breatlessness

i get tired so very easyly. even walking makes me tired. i feel tired all the time. i just want to stay in bed allll day if i have a choice. but no, i have to move around and go to class yada yada yada.. but seriously..i feel really tired all the time. i guess its all part of being pregnant.. because i feel tired, going out to class or even to thr mall is a challenge for me. i get tired easily and make my husband walk very slowly with me so that i wont get too tired and feel cranky :P

fear

yup, i am this person who worries about many things especially things that involve my baby. everyday, i make it a point to read pregnancy books so that i know im doing ok and feel less worried. i just cant help it..i love this precious bluEberry that i think im willing to die for it. it is my soul now.. and i am very protective of it. anyone who drives like a maniac n i am the passenger will get a piece of my mind. plz~! drive slow n carefully..pregnant women on board. hohoh my husband selalu kene bebel with me.. :P but hey..motherly instincts maybe? HOHOHOH

so..basically thats some of the things i want to share with u since i got pregnant.. it is surely a wonderful journey and i cant wait for more :)

i love u blueberry..be safe for mommy ok?

update~

this is blueberry about a month ago..

alhamdulillH..i am now about 3months and 1 week pregnant. i am so relieved to have passed the first trimester..i can now at least breathe a bit more calmly and not panic on every little sign that is alien or weird. hohoho..but i still get panicky sometimes. u see me cool n calm but inside, my heart is beating really fast and sometimes i get so nervous that i have to quietly calm myself..fuhh.. but alhamdulillah..praise to Allah for making everything fine and giving me this wonderful blessing.. :)

i went to the doctor on monday for my monthly checkup. the doctor says everything is ok..the baby is doing fine and i can see the heart is beating through the ultrasound. but this time, we cant really see the baby clearly..the baby keeps moving n being active..so its a good sign. i love u baby~!!

anywayyy.. the doctor checked my blood pressure and immediately says that its on the high side and ask me to refer to a physician after seeing her. but, before i go and see the physician, i must first do the routine blood test and urine test to check for diabetes. so..off i went to the lab to do my blood n urine test with my husband in tow :)

to tell u the truth, i have a "thing" with needles where i am utterly and absolutely scared of needles~!! but, i psyched myself all the way to the lab by saying to myself "lili, ur going to have a baby, so u must be strong n throw away this ridiculous fear of needles that u have ur whole life!!" hahahah it was harddddd..i was super nervous while waiting for my turn. my husband make lame jokes to make me feel relaxed, which worked in a way..hohoho.. so sweet of him tho.

well, when my turn finally came, suprisingly, i was calm n ready to be poked hohoho. the thing is, i must look at my hand while the needle is being inserted so that i can anticipate when the pain will come.. hoho. weird i know. but..i have my own way of dealing with my fears hehehe. so..there i was staring at the stringe and needle poked in my hand and the blood flowing steadily inside. then, its over~! so..not so painful at all. after taking my blood, i am asked to drink this yucky super super sweet glukose drink. a whole mugful of it..yuckkk..i nearly threw up on the lab floor~! hooho..and i was asked to come back in 2 hours to give my urine.

Then, off i went to see the physician. waited for half n hour and finally get to see the physician. the physician checked my blood pressure n eyes and hand. he explained that having high BP is dangerous for both the mother n baby. it could cause the baby being premature and many other things. so..its vital that he control and monitor my BP from the early stage. he was a bit puzzled because when he checked my BP, my BP was not so high. but he still want me to monitor my BP for 2 weeks and then come and see him again. the physician also wants me to do a blood test~!! arghh..again..have to go to the lab and the lab staff poked my other arm.. so now i have 2 plastered arms hehehe. nasib baik x payah drive..if x..lenguh jugak laa kott..~~

then, its time to pay the hospital bills for the day..tettt tettt hohoho. mahal gile..yeap..xpected since its private. buttt...mmg terkejut dgn amountnyee..agak lari jugak la budget for next month ni. nearly nearrllyyyy rm1k. nak pengsan jap. hohoho.yeap..hospital bills aint cheap~! but, i hope everything will go well and xpayah nak g amik amik darah lagi :(

my mom cakap, "tula..now u know macam mana susahnya nak mengandungkan anak ni.." hohoho baik mama..insaf. mmg susah n banyak dugaan. but insyaAllah, with my husband, my mom n dad, and my siblings, i can get through all of this. i cant wait to see u baby..we are all waiting for u :) be safe~! mama loves u~