Heartbeat

well..i am now about 11 weeks pregnant..

last week, i started to have really light brownish bleeding.. and i didnt go to the doctor right away as i googled it, they say that brown blood is just old blood and it always comes out when you're nearing the end of your 1st trimester. so..i thought nothing of it..but i was instructed by my mom to get a lot of rest which turns out that i have to lie down most of the time. so..the bleeding stops after 3 days and then on sunday it starts again. so then..i became a bit panicked. so..on early monday morning i when to see my gynea. but unfortunately she was off that day so i have to see another gynae..a male doctor hohoho.agak malu disitu.. but this doc turns out really great and gentle.

when i first came in i told him about the bleeding and all bla bla bla..so he just said, why dont we scan n see whats going on? soo..i lie down and the nurse open my pants and tarik skit underwear..the male doctor x touch me langsung...so thats good la.i started to relax and x nervous sgt...

the doctor put the cold jelly on my belly and started scanning using the thing (i seriously x tau whats it called~~ hohoho). anywayyyyy...took a long time to locate the baby..bila dah nampak..dia pusing mesin tu sana, pusing sini because he cannot find the baby's heartbeat. i was preparing for the worse i was starting to panic and want to cry... and the after searching searching..finally...we heard the baby's heartbeat... Subhanallah..its the most beautiful sound in the world. i was in total awe.. words cannot dicribe how i feel at that very moment..i was speecless and i can feel my eyelids were wet. i was totally amazed of this little "blueberry" growing inside my tummy. and that time it truly truly hit me that... i have a life growing inside me..and the heart is beating really really fast~!! ahh..it was a really touching and moving moment for me and my husband. my husband actually asked, is that the heart beat? he too was speechless....

the doctor then explained..that my tummy is a bit tebal (hohoho sorry sayang..ur mama a bit fat~! ohoho) so thats why kadang2 susah nak locate the heartbeat.. then while explaining the doctor say "haa..ur tuummy a bit tebal..see..if i press ur tummy.." then the doctor press my tummy with the scanner thing, then the baby actually gerak gerak~! arms and legs dia was like waving waving. me n my husband terus gelak~!! it was sooo sooOOOoo cuteee the way it wiggles when the doc press my tummy hehehe~~ then lap lap perut and then sit dengan doctor again. the doctor gave me some pills to stop the bleeding and ask me to come by in 2 weeks :)

so everything is ok.. my lil blueberry is fine and active..very naughty yee anak mama, wiggle wiggle like that.. i love u sooo soo much~

i hope you will grow up healthy and mama wants to see u again in two weeks ~~!! muax muax

6 months

today marks the 6th month ive been married...

and today i feel all nostalgic and remembering the day that i got married. i dug out out photo albums and wedding cd's and look through the pictures taken on that day. 6 months ago i became his and now i am carrying our child in my womb. who could ever guessed? that i'll be blessed with such miracle so early in my marriage? i am thankful of every day that i am here and everyday that we share because each day, my love for him grows stronger and stronger :)

i still remember clearly that day...5th june 2010. i woke up really early in the morning to get ready. all through the nikah ceremony i was trying so sooo very hard not to cry.trying to keep my cool. but, after 1 lafaz, i became officially his and my tears just starts rolling down my cheeks. when i salam my mom, all the tears i try to keep inside just broke loose and there i was, bawling on my wedding day hahahaha. it was quite funny after a while, when i look at my nikah pictures i looked so sad and ready to cry.. and there i was thinking that i was looking calm n cool while waiting for the lafaz. i cried non stop when i salam my mom, dad and my siblings. i just felt that.. it is very emotional for a girl to be married especially when u are very veryy close to your family. its like letting go of something that u know and love so long to go into another place that u barely know... n here i am, 6 months along doing preety good i guess.

one thing that i've learn, even after u are married, u still have the to chance to hang out with your family, macam bujang2 dulu. i am very very lucky because my husband is an understanding person and we spend more time at my family's house than our own hohoho!

when i look back at my wedding pictures i again say my thanks to HIM for giving me soo many blessing.. the ultimate gift that HE gave me is a wonderful family. it still bring me to tears when i think back at how hard they worked for my wedding.. :) i am indeed lucky..

also, HE gave me my scholarship when the time i needed it the most... soon after that he gave me the most precious thing ---- my little blueberry.

i know this year i have sooo sooo much to be thankful about..

alhamdulillah... Amin :)

My Little Blueberry

its been a while that ive known this news but i didnt feel like a was ready to share it with anyone besides my family. as for today, i am about 8weeks pregnant~!

i was a bit shocked when i got to know but i was suspecting it. my period was so late and i asked around about my condition. i asked my mom and tkah and both of them just ask me to wait until my next period is due. but hey, i was sooo sooOOoo curious that i just have to go to the pharmacy and get one of those pee on a stick thingy and read the instructions. me and my husband have classes on that day and we were rushing to Guardion to get the pregnancy test because it was nearly closing time. both of us was litterally breathless once we got to Guardian and pick up a test kit. the test said that ideally i should do the test first thing in the morning. so both of us decided to wait and do the test in the morning. i was actually tempted to do the test right away once we got home, but my husband ask me to wait till morning hohohoho.. very impatient kan saye ni?~!

anyways, i woke up very early the next morning, i think about 8? and did the test. and suprisingly it came out POSITIVE~! at first i was confuse and then the news starts to sink in bit by bit... i came out the toilet and told my husband..he was overjoyed~~

i straight away called my mom and told her the news, my mom was ecstatic and i told my dad and he was happy too :) then i told both of my little sisters, being the drama queens that they are they were jumping and screaming with joy hehehhe it was really fun telling them. then i called my big sister and told her, she was in tears... wahh terharu.. and finally i called my brother nun jauh di sri iskandar. he actually thought i was trying to main-mainkan dia~! i actually have to convince him.. he even asked my mum to double check to make sure that i was not bluffing hohoho.. boleh xxxx~~!

anyway since then my life change overnight and i started to worry about can i eat this? can i eat that? can i do this? can i do that? i was actually in the middle of my exams and i decided to wait after my exams to go to the doctor. we went to the doctor about 4 days later and the doctor comfirmed my pegnancy and did a routine check up..

now 8 weeks along my tummy is getting a bit bigger hohoho and i am experiencing morning sickness..and i am super super sensitive with smells which sometime no, all the time makes me quesy.. fuhh..and im tired all the time..but i am happy

eventhough we didnt plan for this but both of us are happy beyond words. to have a life inside of me is such a miracle and wonderful feeling.. i am happy that this little blueberry( we call him/her blueberry because i found out last week he/she is the size of a blueberry and the name just stuck hehehhe) will grow healthy and happy...

pray for me guys.. :)

On Hold

seems like i have to put my holiday plans on hold... looks like HE has a bigger plan for me. im taking it all in with open arms..

so for now..all i can say is ALHAMDULILLAH..

post scholarship

after i receive the 1st half of my scholarship, i decided to spend some of it to reward myself for all the miseries that i've gone through while waiting the scholarship. i bought myself a new HP woohOOoo~~. after more than 4 years using the same old samsung hp, the next day i dragged my husband and mommy(my mom is like the best person ever if u want to go and buy anything, she can deal until the seller cracks~!) to go and buy myself a new nokia hp. i know, why not blackberry or iphone. im not a fan of touch screen phones..sooo no iphone. and i did consider buying a blackbery phone..but just not me la. x minat, xknow why :0 sooo..just settled for a new nokia phone with exactly the same functions as a blackberry but wayyyy cheaper n gold colour some moreeee.

before buying a new phone, of course bayar hutang hutang with people that i owe.. and service my car yang dah very very longggg overdue. sian my baby blue tu..i spend more than rm500 servicing n baiki sket2 the car.. teruk gila kan? its just a viva, but bila nak service...adushh..boleh kopak~! so..a lot of things are done to settle all the pending stuffs..and guess what?? i finally booked tikets for our honeymoon next may~!! BALI here we comeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yeayyyness~~!

it was like the most spontanious thing n we got it like for half price~! im super duper xcited n because its a long way off..i think another 7 months? we want to go all out. maybe a villa with a private pool? ahhh gila heaven ok?so..next few months we will be planning for this trip. and while waiting, we're going on our own cuti cuti malaysia :) so..everything is looking up for us now.. alhamdulillah.. :)

so..im waiting for the second half of my scholarship to book the villa and everything..

so..for now..i am happy :)

alhamdulillah

yup..that all that i can say. i am happy to say that today i have receive my memorandum for tranfer of my scholarship money. in 2 days i will get my $$ from KPT. the other half of my scholarship i will receive it by the end of the month insyaAllah...

im really getting choked up here..

ive been waiting for this moment for sooo long and i am finally here. no more paperworks.. no more waiting..no more frustating.. and no more being penniless.

this year have been one of the hardest year that i have.. apart from my wedding *grins*
its so full of realizing that hey.. family do comes first in every way..everytime.. i assure u. i really cant put down in words what my parents have done to me.. its soo... i dont know.. i cant describe it. im sorry mama n ayah for all the heartache that u must have felt during the whole duration of waiting for my scholarship.. tq mama n ayah for every little ounce of support and encouragement that u gave me each step of the way.. i love u with every single cell of my body and i surely will not let u down..

i hope that i will make u happy with my achievements and that by the time that i finish my Masters next year.. this will all be worth it.. insyaAllah..

and i count my blessing.. to HIM.. the one and only for always giving me the helping hand and hope when all i wanna do is just throw the towel and give up. without the strength and guidance by HIM.. i am nowhere..

also to my husband.. for holding on while we fully rely on his income alone. been with me through the heartache and tears.. u know what? we got thru this hard times and im sure that we can get through anything now. couples that can stay together through the hard times would definitely tell that they are compatible with each other. tq for putting up with my moodiness and tantrums when we are short with money and thank u for telling me to not always give up..

thank u also to each and everyone of u who gave me support throughout my long wait..ur encouraging words really help me get thru the hard days.. and surely put a smile on my face..

THANK YOU...

confessions of a clean freak

yeah..i admit it~!

this morning after sahur i was cleaning the kitchen. basuh sana sini n lap here and there. my husband actually fell asleep waiting for me. finally he came to the kitchen and panggil naik atas..he was sooOo sleepy. but wait~!! i saw a stain on the fridge..~!! i quickly take a cloth and lap n then lap with tissue. my husband just stare at me with horror. dia siap cakap "takut la tgk syg mengemas". i was like whattttttt? huh?

yeah.. i admit it. i just see stains everywhere and i can have sleepless nights thinking bout it. it will bother me non stop until i clean it. i dont know why i am like that. before i was married, i share a room with 3 of my siblings and usually me n my youngest sister would take turns to wash the bathroom. i paksa my adik bongsu (sian :P). i ask her to berus this and berus that. i even go as far as cleaning the bathroom door and slippers everytime i was cleaning the bathroom. my dad siap comment "lili ni, pintu toilet pon nak basuh~!"

i just cant help ittttt..im just like that. there's this one time when i feel so serabut because the kitchen floor was so sticky(to me la.. org lain ok je)..i actually simbah air sabun kat kitchen floor and was on my hands and knees with a cloth cleaning the kitchen floor.. (that time mop rosak ke ape x sure). yeah..that was one extreme incident.

so yeah.. im a clean freak :P

to my husband : sorry i am just weird like that hahaha. certain things just bothers me especially when it comes to stains or something dirty :)