lowest point

yeah..yesterday was one of the lowest point in my life. the day before, i was shouted aka kene maki ngan my boss who is a senior assoc here. i was assisting her doing conveyencing...i sucked at it but i tried really hard. i promise to u guys that i did the very best that i can...but since i have zero zilch knowledge (apart from LLB dulu) on convey...a lot of things i dont know. and the boss is very demanding by bombarding me with files every day where i would do and finish n redo if there is a mistake. how would i know land office x terima date yg di cop? i asked..they just say put date.so..yeah..the procedural thing la basically i dont know...but i was learning..so gimme a break n gimme some time to get use to it...its only been just 3 weeks..dont expect me to have everything on the tip of my hands..

but surely, i am very dissapointed in myself...am i that sort of worker? does my work really suck? really? i am really dissapointed in myself and i feel so helpless and useless... :( n very sad..

after being scold by the boss...the partner then 'sound' me by saying that she cannot take very simple and petty mistakes from me.."as a lawyer..bla bla bla..." yup..i know and i will try harder. but it seems like everything i do would just go wrong these days..:( im very unhappy with my career.i dont know where i stand and i dont know how the partners look at me. incompetent? sloopy? a person who makes idiotic mistakes? my image had been badly damaged..the bos shouted at me in front of all the clerks..i was tougue tied..the thing that i did was...salah cop date. it became a big issue bla bla bla...

so..yesterday, the boss ask me to return all her files and i am not going to do any more conveyancing work from now on..sad huh? i am fully doing litigation now.even though i did'nt want to do conveyancing in the first place...i took it as a challenge and a way to gain knowledge as i dont know much about convey..but i totally backfired on me :(

to make matters worse, there is something wrong with my car and the warranty period expires in 2 days and nobody wants to help me to send the car to the service centre.. as i have work n office hours end at 6 plus im a bit tight on the financial side..so i cannot just take a taxi from shah alam to suway to n fro..i actually cried and feel so alone and helpless... after a really bad day at work..my car pulak buat problem.. i cried n cried to let go of my frustrations :(

soo...today i am doing my litigation work..the bos is giving me the cold shoulder by not speaking to me.. the staffs here told me that its a good thing that i stop doing convey as i would surely be so stress as they are feeling now...so..i dont know are they telling me this to make me feel better or just to tell me gently that my work sucked?

also, i got a call from the bar council telling me that i have to file an affidavit pembetulan as there is a spelling mistake in my affidavit...so..can it not get more worse than that?

that is why i am at my lowest point right now...i feel like quitting but i am not a quitter..but the atmosphere..the image as a lawyer have somehow been "tercalar" and i just cant get over it la. its like a silly mistake was taken so seriously that somehow it straight away categorize me as a bad lawyer or bad worker. its not fair...

i have 3 papers this saturday n sunday..not looking forward to that. i hope next week will be better..i want all this sadness and negativity out of me..

pray for me guys..